I tried to recall what I did to find peace of mind (is it a place called "neverland"? we never know) - when I faced a similar situation few years back - though at a much lesser scale (I think so now).
I was desperate, restless, angry, broken - in short, without even a hint of peace of mind. It's a burden which no one else can share it with you. It's a place where you're lost and pathetically alone. It's a time you dont care for absolutely anything in the world.
At this time, I asked my friend Karthik to lend me a copy of Bhagavad Geeta from his house. Even to this day, I never know where this thought came from. It was purely out of my inner voice. I started reading it. I felt no change until 5th chapter or something.
There, I came across these magical verses:
"Karmanyeva adhikaaraste maa phaleshu kadaachana." [Your right is to perform only your duty and not in the results thereof.]
In short, do things without expecting results. Hope for the best results, but don't expect them. Leave the results to the Almighty.
These words literally found me Peace. I stopped reading further on the Geetha. I got what I wanted - Peace of Mind. Even today, in all my moments of despair and anguish, these are probably the most soothing thoughts that pull me through almost all the times.
I hope you do you get what you're looking for, though may not be the same way I did - but listen to your inner voice and do what you have to - to find your own absolute Peace.
Sri
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When you can find some time, go through this extract by a Spiritual person I found somewhere on the Internet:
"There is a difference between hoping and expecting. When expectations fail, only hope remains. And in a world which is becoming increasingly difficult, in which we can hardly expect anything—we cannot expect good air to breathe, good water to drink, good neighbours, good governments. The only thing we seem to be having is better and better terrorism, better and better terrorists. In such a world, all that keeps us alive, if not happy, is hope. That is why hope is often pictured as a young, beautiful girl seated with her eyes blindfolded, playing the harp.
There is a story in the Upanishad about a man who is running for life from a tiger, and he does not see there is a big hole in front of him. He falls into it, but as he falls, he clutches at the thick roots of a tree, a banyan tree. He wants to jump; he looks down and it's full of snakes. (It's a snake pit.) He looks up—the rats and squirrels are gnawing at the roots to which he is hanging for dear life. In this dilemma of what to do, he looks up to see the sun and a drop of honey falls on his lips from a honeycomb above, and he says, "What joy there is in this world; what bliss!" This is all the bliss that earthbound mortals are generally entitled to and perhaps receive. Because if you look at all your satisfactory moments, whether in physical exercise or physical fulfilment in marriage or just gustatory feelings after lunch and dinner, the rare pleasant experiences when you have been mildly drunk (some of you at least)—if you add up all these moments they would probably not last more than twenty-four hours in a seventy-year-old life. One drop of honey from a comb above—but that is what keeps us moving, you know. Something better tomorrow, next experience better than last night's, next bout of friendship more sober, shall we say, than the previous one. Even in spirituality, I hope the next sitting is better.
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